Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Keeping in step

I could go on and on about the imagery that pops into my mind over this photo.

Do you see it?

***it is a mystery as to why blogger decided to make these fonts all different. i've tried to fix it but can't. so annoying. oh well. ***

Apparently these are actual shoes for sale somewhere in the world. They are called “Dance Shoes”. How fitting.

This is such a beautiful picture that I can totally wrap my brain around. It will make more sense as this post progresses. Bare with me here. I’m a visual learner.

This post is hard for me.

I’ve sat down to write it several times only to find myself speechless.

How can I put into words all that has happened in my life and heart in one year?

I cannot. There is just too much. This already monstrous-size post that probably only my mom will read (love you mom) would be even longer.

How can I explain the anticipation and excitement that a new year holds without getting overwhelmed by a list of resolutions?

I’m very excited! There is just something refreshing about the start of a new year. But, how quickly I forget that is EXACTLY how the Lord is daily (Lamentations 3:22-23). His mercies (some versions say “compassions”…I love that) are new every morning. His faithfulness is on display every single day.

I almost didn’t write anything acknowledging the fact that it’s another year. I just don’t know where to begin.

How can it even be 2010? Saying “0-9” had such a nice ring to it. But, “10” or “2010” or whatever we are to call it….not so much.

For the sake of documenting my family’s little journey, here goes a very poor attempt to verbalize my thoughts at this point on the journey.

I don’t feel like I “owe it to my fans” to post something. The Lord knows that using the words “fans” and “my blog” simply don’t exist together.

This isn’t an attempt to fish for compliments either- just a fact.

I’m not a big fan of resolutions- they are fine if you dig that sort of thing.

Well, maybe I’m not a fan of resolution lists- again, just a personal preference of mine.

I tend to find myself overwhelmed looking at all of the things that I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH OR LEARN. I feel weighed down by all of the tasks and skills that have yet to come to fruition and the road that I know it will take to get there.

And I know that the Lord’s desire for me is not to live in an overwhelmed state of mind focusing all of my efforts on myself. He wants me to abide in Him and keep in step with Him.

My favorite scripture that has played throughout my mind often this year is found in Galations.

“Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Galations 5:25

For me, it’s a victory cry and reminder not to get boggled down and overwhelmed. Anytime we focus on those things entangling us, we find ourselves focused on self and not “in step” with Him.

A lot of things that I may want to pursue might not be in line with His will for my life. And if we are being totally honest here, I feel like if we are right in our relationship with Christ and keeping in step with Him, some of those things on our list will happen (spending time with Him more, honoring our bodies, eating better, spending more time pouring into the lives of our families, etc)- as long as they are within His will for our lives.

I realize saying all of this is much easier than actually doing it. Boy do I know this story all too well!!! I find myself smack dab in the grip of this struggle between keeping in step with the Spirit or off doing my own thing. I’m definitely not saying that I have this figured out and know how to do it perfectly.

My prayer over these last few days has been for Him to leave no stone uncovered until ALL aspects of my life are laid bare before Him and EVERYTHING in my life is His. EVERYTHING! I know there are still lots of things I’m holding onto and not giving over to Jesus.

My nature at this point in the year is to look back at my failures. It would be very easy for me to look back on the year and beat myself up over the things that I said I wanted to change at the beginning of 2009, but have yet to see growth in. Or all of the things I thought I would be doing by now, that have yet to be learned.

I use to live my life in constant regret from the moment my feet hit the floor. This is a very depressing state of mind to be in always looking back and never looking forward.

I’m a city girl trying to learn how to be a farmgirl. Of course that so-called list would be miles long! I’m learning so much.

I said I wasn’t a big fan of resolution lists, but I am a fan of growth and pressing forward taking the next step.

I can honestly look back at 2009, and see the hand of God growing me and molding me throughout the year. I’ve had victories in some areas and light shed on some very dark areas that still have yet to gain victory.

For now, I choose to rejoice in the victories and pray for the victories to come knowing that I have so far to go on this side of heaven in my relationship with Him in the way I do life.

This year, I resolve to be PURPOSEFUL. One word that I hope permeates my life.


Heather said...

Wow, very well written. Your words really spoke to me and made me see things in a different light. The way I need to be looking at things. Thank you.

Kristi said...

You always say you have trouble verbalizing, but you are one of the most eloquent people I know. Because you are YOU and you quiet yourself to listen to His still, small voice as you write, His words come through loud and clear. Thank you for being willing to set yourself aside (I suck at that!) and sharing your innermost thoughts and His words with us, girl. You are such an inspiration (I know it's not about that, but I definitely look to you when I need an attitude adjustment!). :)

Kayla said...

I love your heart and I love you!

Kelly said...

Thank you, I've been reading your blog a lot lately, and about your family, and I was pretty discouraged last night but your post encouraged me, especially to focus on our Lord and growing, relying, trusting on Him instead of making a whole list of resolutions and not finishing them.. so thank you!

Tori said...

I really appreciate your reminder about the verse in Gal. about keeping in step with the Spirit...wow. Thanks for being so honest it is truly refreshing. keep it up girl!

Shabby Mama said...

oh girl..i love you so much..this is good..i just love that picture too..you are a blessing..it is so neat to watch what God is doing with your heart. thankful we get to do life together.

Gail said...

Great post. The word PURPOSEFUL is a word I've really been thinking on too for this year. Thanks for your heart. :)