Monday, March 8, 2010

the booty at church






There comes a time in every momma's life, I suppose, that you may reach a point to where cute little things your kids do out in public no longer embarrass you. A simple chuckle and a "aren't they so cute" could do wonders in a certain embarrassing sitch, right?

Wrong.

I am NOT to that point.

I am a mommy to Laney Rae, after all.

Just when I think she has no more tricks to pull out of that little bag of hers......

- like the time she painted the whole church green on a volunteer workday (Well, not the whole church. Just the children's wing, sanctuary, and carpet in these areas.)

- or the time she got the whole side of her hair stuck in a fly strip attempting to pilfer candy.

- or the not so distant event in which she gave Ruthie a mohawk with sunscreen and stripped her down naked.

- or the endless moments of sheer nudity around the farm.

Home girl strikes again!

This past Sunday was a typical Sunday in the Kramer home. We went to church as we normally do.

I walked back to our children's area to check in my girls. Ruthie is first because her class is the first one that get to.

So, I checked in Ruthie with Laney Rae standing there by my side.

I took a few moments to pass Ruthie off to the preschool worker and give a few minor instructions- poor dear. She is the third so it's usually,"There are no instructions."

I turned around and Laney Rae was nowhere to be found. I walked down the hall to peak in her class to see if she went in there.

Nope.

I peaked around the corner in Kaylyn's room to see if she went in there.

Nope.

About that time I hear,"Mommmmmmmaaaaaa!" in a raspy scratchy two year old girl voice.

I knew it was my girl. Except I didn't know where she was since I had checked the two preschool classes.

Between Ruthie's class and Laney Rae's class are the toilets.

These two bathrooms are single toilet individual bathrooms- girls and boys. There are no stalls in the bathroom itself. Just a sink and toilet. The only thing that separates you from the unsuspecting people in the hallway taking their kids to hear about Jesus are the doors.

After I heard her screech for me I ran to the girls bathroom.

I knew that was a call to wipe. As mom, you can totally tell the difference between the call of your child if they need something or if they need to be wiped.

Except, she wasn't in the girl's potty.

Heck-to-tha-nawww!

I looked over at the boy's restroom and the door was WIDE OPEN....at church, in a busy hallway full of holy people who I'm sure weren't expecting to see the bum of a 2 year old at church that Sunday.

The light was off, the door wide open, and Laney Rae was sitting sideways on the potty "doing her bidness" with her booty cheeks facing the door for all to see.

The worst part is (if you are the slightest bit grossed out by poo, I suggest you not read this part) she had a "friend" still dangling in her crack in plain sight. Gag!

I WAS MORTIFIED. MORTIFIED.

I immediately looked around in the hallway to see if there were any signs of awkwardness or people scratching their heads or dry heaving.

But, come on.

Who would even want to admit to seeing that?

Wouldn't you pretend you DIDN'T see it and just keep on walking?

I still have no idea if anyone saw her "doing her bidness".

All I know is that I swung the door closed super quickly, cleaned her up, and gave her a good talking to.

Then, I got to look like the moron coming out of a boy's restroom who couldn't tell the difference between a dress and no dress.

Honestly, that was the least of my concern.

Life with this little one sure is fun. There is NEVER a dull moment. And nothing is ever normal. I thought to tell her of the "normal" things to remember that day in regards to public conduct- speak to big people when spoken to, obey your teachers, share, etc.

But, it never occurred to me that I needed to warn her about disappearing to poo in the boy's bathroom AND closing the door.

I guess the "bright" side is that the light was off- although you could still totally see in. If she would have been able to reach that switch, it would have revealed some horrific-ness and would have been a lot more obvious.

9 comments:

Gwynie Pie said...

THIS is quite hilarious !!! Made me laugh this morning and remember some of my own kids antics from their much younger years. Sweet.

I've been working, working, working for too long now and I've missed reading some of my favorite blogs. So glad I could catch up with your family this morning. Blessings on your day ---

Gwyn Rosser @ The Pink Tractor
www.gwynrosser.blogspot.com

Kirby said...

HA! That girl cracks me up!

Cottage Dreamers said...

Ha ha! She's going to love this story when she's older!
☺ Celeste

Mommy, M.D. said...

That is hilarious!

Is it better or worse when the kid doing that is the pastor's kid???

Betty went to the potty by herself at church sometime last year. The bathroom opens right onto the foyer, which was of course full of people socializing. Betty couldn't get it to flush, so she came out BUCK NAKED asking for help. I still don't know why she had taken her shirt and shoes off!

Meanwhile, Justin was, you know, being pastoral and chatting with some elderly visitors. He was just pointing out who his kids and wife were. "There's Brandi, and there's Jonas, and let's see....oh, right....there she is. That one."

Anonymous said...

just love my laney rae...just shows us how really special GOD made her for us to enjoy..and oh my, we all know how cute her booty is...love you grandma

Connie said...

Too funny! I was just waiting for you to say she was sitting on the urinal. GAG!!! Thank goodness!

Mia use to discuss the shapes of her poo in public restrooms. Poop-snake. Poop-mountain. You get the gist.

Whoever said girls weren't gross were so wrong b/c mine so ARE.

Kelly said...

i was rolling, ROLLING on the floor laughing!!! she is so cute and hilarious...

Haley said...

HAHA! I love your kids!

Brettney and Key Bradley said...

so I am suppossed to be studying, but fortunately, i came across your blog instead. I was laughing out loud reading this! Thank you for that! I have it easy so far with a 6 month old little boy. I am not sure how to handle this stuff when it happens to me! Wheew