Saturday, October 25, 2008

Disgusted




Disgusted would be the perfect description of my feelings towards Rowdy, our farm dog.

Folks, do not let the majestic looking dog in the photo above fool you. Up until hours ago, I would have told you that Rowdy was the most loyal and amazing dog that ever walked the face of this earth. I have story upon story to even back that up. Stories that would simply amaze you.

So, you see. When he went missing 4 days ago, I was a sad farmgirl. I spent hours a day looking for him. For the last 4 days, there has been an empty and desolate feel around Yonder Way Farm. A tone that was only broken by the whisper of words like,"I sure miss Rowdy." Or ,"If Rowdy was here, he'd be doing........"

Today, I was going to conquer my quest to find Rowdy. My ammo was none other than fliers made with the help of Microsoft Word. I did what all good dog owners who's dog goes missing does. I made a total of 75 fliers.

My mom graciously drove to Brenham to help me drive around and put them in the mailboxes of every home within a 5 mile radius.

We spent a couple of hours on our mailbox mission, when the last and final 15 fliers were left. We headed down the major highway that our property sits off. Up until this point, we stuck to the back roads. I thought I knew my dog and my dog would be on the back roads in woods.

This was simply not the case. We drove up to a less than curb appealing home with various non-working automobiles in their front yard. My mom reached over to place the flier in the mailbox and I glanced around in awe of the sheer volume of automobiles and automobile parts hanging on this particular houses shed.

As my eyes made their way around the property, they landed on the front porch of the house. The 70s printed couch initially caught my eye. It was loud......really loud. Like orange and yellow shagadelic flower loud.

But, what was laying on the couch, was the shocker of them all. My loyal Rowdy was shacked up with some three-legged Red Bloodhound mutt. It was almost as if I cold-busted my teenage son. Gross!

Now, the a key fact to being able to understand the rest of this story and how it turns out is that Rowdy was NOT NEUTERED. You must know this! We had big plans of finding him a bonafide Blue Heeler female and having beautiful puppies with her.

I got out of the car beaming from ear to ear. I was talking doggy-talk in a high pitched voice overcome by the joy one feels when they find their long lost dog.

"Rowdy! There you are! We found you! Come here boy," I shouted.

Rowdy perked his ears up and remained to lay on the couch. He wasn't as thrilled to see me as I was to see him.

"That's odd," I thought.

"Rowdy. Come here boy. Come here," I commanded and started to walk over towards him.

Rowdy's response was less than admirable. He got up off the couch with his lady friend and took off running in opposite direction.

I ran to the car and grabbed the girl's Nilla Wafers and started throwing them at him (this is all on the side of a major highway, by the way). Rowdy could have cared less about my girls sharing their snack with him. He took off under the house following his lady friend's every move. How ungrateful!

I sat there for a while and talked to him. I tried to talk him out from under the house with several sentences filled with "you are so not loyal" and "I'm so offended at you right now" and "Are you seriously kidding me?" The high pitched doggy talk was gone by this point. It was all business.

I finally got him to come out from under the house. He walked over to me and I began to pet him. This re-acquainting abruptly came to a screeching halt when he decided to snip at me followed by a growl.

"OH NO HE DIDN'T JUST SNIP AT ME!" I shouted. I wanted to snap my fingers in a circle and bob my head from side to side. I would have if I wouldn't have been on the side of the highway talking to a dog.

I was so mad at him I could have spit nails. I was fuming mad with some angry on the side.

At this point, I knew that it was a lost cause and this female was obviously in heat. Why else would my dog's brain have been kidnapped by an idiot?

My hope then quickly shifted to my fearless dog-friendly brother-in-law, David, arriving in just moments. My mom placed a flier in the mailbox and we left to re-group.

Moments before David and I left for attempt number two, we received a phone call. The fliers had an incentive of a $100 reward. He was worth every dime of that to us.....before all of this. The owner of the property that Rowdy was residing at called me to tell me that she had our dog. Little did she know, I had already found him. Except he wouldn't get in the car and come home like a good dog would do.

So, we talked and I told her we were coming to see if we could get him again. She had pork chops and sausage**** in the fridge (great!) and was going to see if she coerce him to her front porch so he would be there when we got there.

He was on the porch when we arrived, but quickly realized what was going down. He recognized David and had a brief normal Rowdy moment. He ran up to him. David tried to put the leash around his neck. Rowdy snipped at him and started growling like a deranged dog.

We spent a total of about 30 minutes chasing him around trying to get him to come up to us. But, went home empty handed........again. What does one do if they can't catch their own dog?

Its the strangest feeling to be staring at your beloved dog, except their body has been taken over by evil dog aliens. Rowdy didn't even act like himself. All he could do was follow this female mutt around. I'm not even going get into how many times he "got" her during the course of our attempt to capture him. It was ridiculous.

Farmer Jason isn't happy about his loyal farm dog betraying us. He was at the fire station today so that's why his name is missing from the story.

Hopefully, this story will end with Farmer Jason bringing our idiot dog home in the morning. If there is anyone that he should and would listen to, it would be Jason. The minute Rowdy is in our possession he is going straight to the snipper to get snipped so it will get rid of all the "idiot" that remains within him.

The moral of this story: take your dog to the snipper to get snipped or he WILL inevitably act like an idiot if given the chance. Even the most loyal of dogs like free shagadelic couches in a junkyard with a three-legged dog in heat on it. Gross! But, it's the truth.

Do you have any funny dog reuniting stories? Let's shift this story to happy thoughts, shall well? Because after he visits the snipper, bliss will then take over once again.

****Don't ever ever ever feed your dog pork. They will get all kinds of sick. I've seen it happen a million times. I use to work for a vet for 2 years. Its bad news on a dog's pancreas.

11 comments:

shauna maness said...

that was so stinkin
funny!!

Anonymous said...

You should let that poor boy out more or have not waited so long to find him a friend. He lives on a farm. Sees goings on all day everyday. He sees roosters, bulls, goats, pigs all doing you-know-what. You have probably driven the poor guy virtually insane. I’m surprised he hasn’t turned to drugs and rock and roll (lol). Well, he couldn’t have the sex part so that was all that was left.

I bet truth be known Dudley teases him about it every single day. "Hey bud (or maybe they call Rowdy Virgy)...... did you see that HOT Mama pig they let me ……... well you know. Farmer Jason brings them to me like home delivery and I don't mean DiGiorno. Dudley he as a whole harem. I bet he gives Rowdy way more details about it than Rowdy wants to know. I think that is why Rowdy gets after Dudley sooooooo bad. He is tired of being made fun of and teased for still being a Virgin (hence the Virgy nickname). In dog years (7 to 1) is that more than a 30 year old virgin? They even make movies about that.

You know how boys can be, once one starts teasing they all jump on the wagon. I bet there have been upwards of 30 roosters all joining in and teasing him. Oh and one very, very busy bull and you know how relentless those lil goats can be. They even look like little devils. How would you feel with 30 to 40 guys all teasing you everywhere you go on the farm? Especially a farm where all the other male animals are encouraged to “get it on” and multiply every chance they can. The only male virgin on the place. This must have been brutal on poor, poor Rowdy. He probably heard you were pregnant again, so he even knows his favorite guy Farmer Jason is …… well you know.

Poor Rowdy, I think you should get him a “Hot Hot Mama” Blue Heeler and let him strut around the farm with her instead of getting him snipped. He deserves it. He has been sooooooo patient.

J's Dad

Pine Pod Farm said...

Oh goodness gracious, I'm glad that we have had our dogs snipped since they were pups and same with our cats except a couple but afteer they weaned their kittens we had them snipped too.

D.O. said...

HA! That fool knocked up the neighbor's nasty ho(t)dog!

Can I say that?

The Kramer Family said...

Rowdy is home! After church and lunch we loaded up the farm buggy and drove down to the house he was living at- its not far.

As we drove up, he saw Jason and took off running towards him which made me even more offended since I'm the one who feeds him. But, Jason does have a way with animals. He's the animal whisperer no doubt.

We weren't ready for him to run up to us so we didn't get the leash around his neck in time before he took off running with his girlie.

Jason climbed under these people's house to shoo them out and chased him down. Rowdy didn't go down with out a fight. He was growling and showing his teeth as Jason was wrestling him and I was trying to get the leash around his head.

We put his sorry tail in a kennel and headed home. He is shut in the barn until I can get a hold of the vet first thing Monday.

Do they do emergency snips? I know usually people plan weeks in advance for these things, but he needs them gone NOW!

Sorry G-Paw! The man parts have got to go. He can't be trusted with those things.

QuiltedSimple said...

Oh too funny - and I would be so stinkin pissed too! Glad he's home and contained!
Kris

Judy said...

Lyns,
Mark said that it took a few weeks after Jake was neutered for him to realize he didn't have a need to find himself a girlfriend. The vet told him it would take affect right away, but it didn't with Jake. Just so you know....

We are glad you have him back!
Love you,
Judy

the good, the bad & the ugly said...

So funny! I have been following your blog for a while. My husband and I live in a big city in the south, but we have just been given the opportunity to farm! It is my husband's dream come true. We hope to start building and preparing in a year and moving in a year and a half or so. I will be reading your blog for preparation. This city girl actually gets excited when I read of your adventures! :) Oh, and the picture in your profile with your baby is exquisite!

BHG & Co. said...

Great story... I do not usually read long entries, but I got interested (and I am procrastinating something else!)

This line made me laugh:

Even the most loyal of dogs like free shagadelic couches in a junkyard with a three-legged dog in heat on it.

I mean.... I don't care who you are - that's funny.

spanki said...

too sweet, i know you are so agitated by him, but lets face it, what male doesn't act a little silly when ladies are around!! i am so out numbered at my house, pray for me now, one day hormones will kick in and i will have 3 silly acting boys that i can't haul to the vet to make act right! :(

Holly said...

That's funny...sounds like some men I know! :) They'll 'do' them all...just as long as they get it! :)