Disgusted

Disgusted would be the perfect description of my feelings towards Rowdy, our farm dog.

Folks, do not let the majestic looking dog in the photo above fool you. Up until hours ago, I would have told you that Rowdy was the most loyal and amazing dog that ever walked the face of this earth. I have story upon story to even back that up. Stories that would simply amaze you.

So, you see. When he went missing 4 days ago, I was a sad farmgirl. I spent hours a day looking for him. For the last 4 days, there has been an empty and desolate feel around Yonder Way Farm. A tone that was only broken by the whisper of words like,"I sure miss Rowdy." Or ,"If Rowdy was here, he'd be doing........"

Today, I was going to conquer my quest to find Rowdy. My ammo was none other than fliers made with the help of Microsoft Word. I did what all good dog owners who's dog goes missing does. I made a total of 75 fliers.

My mom graciously drove to Brenham to help me drive around and put them in the mailboxes of every home within a 5 mile radius.

We spent a couple of hours on our mailbox mission, when the last and final 15 fliers were left. We headed down the major highway that our property sits off. Up until this point, we stuck to the back roads. I thought I knew my dog and my dog would be on the back roads in woods.

This was simply not the case. We drove up to a less than curb appealing home with various non-working automobiles in their front yard. My mom reached over to place the flier in the mailbox and I glanced around in awe of the sheer volume of automobiles and automobile parts hanging on this particular houses shed.

As my eyes made their way around the property, they landed on the front porch of the house. The 70s printed couch initially caught my eye. It was loud......really loud. Like orange and yellow shagadelic flower loud.

But, what was laying on the couch, was the shocker of them all. My loyal Rowdy was shacked up with some three-legged Red Bloodhound mutt. It was almost as if I cold-busted my teenage son. Gross!

Now, the a key fact to being able to understand the rest of this story and how it turns out is that Rowdy was NOT NEUTERED. You must know this! We had big plans of finding him a bonafide Blue Heeler female and having beautiful puppies with her.

I got out of the car beaming from ear to ear. I was talking doggy-talk in a high pitched voice overcome by the joy one feels when they find their long lost dog.

"Rowdy! There you are! We found you! Come here boy," I shouted.

Rowdy perked his ears up and remained to lay on the couch. He wasn't as thrilled to see me as I was to see him.

"That's odd," I thought.

"Rowdy. Come here boy. Come here," I commanded and started to walk over towards him.

Rowdy's response was less than admirable. He got up off the couch with his lady friend and took off running in opposite direction.

I ran to the car and grabbed the girl's Nilla Wafers and started throwing them at him (this is all on the side of a major highway, by the way). Rowdy could have cared less about my girls sharing their snack with him. He took off under the house following his lady friend's every move. How ungrateful!

I sat there for a while and talked to him. I tried to talk him out from under the house with several sentences filled with "you are so not loyal" and "I'm so offended at you right now" and "Are you seriously kidding me?" The high pitched doggy talk was gone by this point. It was all business.

I finally got him to come out from under the house. He walked over to me and I began to pet him. This re-acquainting abruptly came to a screeching halt when he decided to snip at me followed by a growl.

"OH NO HE DIDN'T JUST SNIP AT ME!" I shouted. I wanted to snap my fingers in a circle and bob my head from side to side. I would have if I wouldn't have been on the side of the highway talking to a dog.

I was so mad at him I could have spit nails. I was fuming mad with some angry on the side.

At this point, I knew that it was a lost cause and this female was obviously in heat. Why else would my dog's brain have been kidnapped by an idiot?

My hope then quickly shifted to my fearless dog-friendly brother-in-law, David, arriving in just moments. My mom placed a flier in the mailbox and we left to re-group.

Moments before David and I left for attempt number two, we received a phone call. The fliers had an incentive of a $100 reward. He was worth every dime of that to us.....before all of this. The owner of the property that Rowdy was residing at called me to tell me that she had our dog. Little did she know, I had already found him. Except he wouldn't get in the car and come home like a good dog would do.

So, we talked and I told her we were coming to see if we could get him again. She had pork chops and sausage**** in the fridge (great!) and was going to see if she coerce him to her front porch so he would be there when we got there.

He was on the porch when we arrived, but quickly realized what was going down. He recognized David and had a brief normal Rowdy moment. He ran up to him. David tried to put the leash around his neck. Rowdy snipped at him and started growling like a deranged dog.

We spent a total of about 30 minutes chasing him around trying to get him to come up to us. But, went home empty handed........again. What does one do if they can't catch their own dog?

Its the strangest feeling to be staring at your beloved dog, except their body has been taken over by evil dog aliens. Rowdy didn't even act like himself. All he could do was follow this female mutt around. I'm not even going get into how many times he "got" her during the course of our attempt to capture him. It was ridiculous.

Farmer Jason isn't happy about his loyal farm dog betraying us. He was at the fire station today so that's why his name is missing from the story.

Hopefully, this story will end with Farmer Jason bringing our idiot dog home in the morning. If there is anyone that he should and would listen to, it would be Jason. The minute Rowdy is in our possession he is going straight to the snipper to get snipped so it will get rid of all the "idiot" that remains within him.

The moral of this story: take your dog to the snipper to get snipped or he WILL inevitably act like an idiot if given the chance. Even the most loyal of dogs like free shagadelic couches in a junkyard with a three-legged dog in heat on it. Gross! But, it's the truth.

Do you have any funny dog reuniting stories? Let's shift this story to happy thoughts, shall well? Because after he visits the snipper, bliss will then take over once again.

****Don't ever ever ever feed your dog pork. They will get all kinds of sick. I've seen it happen a million times. I use to work for a vet for 2 years. Its bad news on a dog's pancreas.