Friday, January 18, 2008

Haircut from Hades

*I know most of you will probably scroll on down to look at the disaster so go ahead and do that now, but come back and read the story:).

Typically people post pictures of themselves looking cute and spiffy with their new do or new whatever on their blogs. But, in this post you will not find that.

You see, today I went to get my long awaited haircut at a local salon- local meaning Brenham. I've never been to this salon before, but I called them ahead time to schedule an appointment.

The prerequisite for this salon was that we heard (which in small towns in HUGE) that this was the place to go and that all of their stylists were great.

When I called, the owner happened to answer the phone. I told her that I was looking for a great stylist to be my permanent go-to lady in Brenham and that since we've moved here, I haven't found anyone locally to cut my hair. I told her that I wanted to go back to a shorter/bob style haircut and I currently had hair passed my shoulders. Then I asked her if there was anyone that was particularly good at bobs/short cuts, to put me with her and that would be perfect.

The owner acted like I was a total doof. She replied,"If my girls weren't good at cutting hair, I wouldn't hire them in the first place." That was her remark to me.

I thought to myself- Did I say something wrong? How do you go about getting a 'new' person to cut your hair? What should one say? Should I just be okay with anyone if I already know what kind of 'do' I'm looking for?

Anyways, she hands the phone over to a stylist that was sitting beside her (she really looked into that request of mine now didn't she?) and the rest is history.

I went in today with a magazine full of pictures in my purse. The moment I saw my 'new stylist', I was delighted because she had a very cute bob.

We went back to her chair- the chair of doom. I pulled out the magazine and started showing her pictures of hairstyles that I liked. I even made reference to her hair by saying that I loved her haircut, but I wanted mine to be longer than hers- which hers was slightly passed her chin. Here are the key statements that I said to this gal:

- My hair has curl to it, so it shrinks really bad.
- I want to be able to still pull it back (with the help of bobby pins).
- I want my hair to be longer than yours.

Along with pictures, I was hoping these statements would have put us on the same page.

But, not so much.

For the dudes who have made it this far in reading (wow!), this is what a bob looks like and along the same lines of the pictures I showed her. I know you can't see the back in these photos, but I DID show her the backs of haircuts too. And I'm pretty sure the back of these look nothing like the back of mine. Any they are.

The first snip took place and I even said something at this point. Which if you know me, you probably know I'm a pushover when it comes to this type of stuff.

I told her that it was going to be too short and was going to dry even short. I even looked in the mirror in shock saying over and over again,"That is so short. That is so short. That is so short."

Are you picking up what I'm putting down? It was short.

The stylist could tell I was a bit unsure of what she was doing so she tried to reassure me by saying,"Just trust me. You have curly hair and in order for it to lay straight, you have to cut it this way."

It is very hard to get a grasp on how much of what is being cut off the back of your head when you can't see it. So, I thought to myself,"Self, she seems to act like she knows what she is talking about here. So why not trust her."

And the scissors kept cutting

and cutting

and cutting

and cutting.

At this point, what do you do?

You already know your hair is a major catastrophe. I find it very hard to know what to do in these circumstances and not be rude or impolite. How do you not loose it? It is just hair, right? But, it was bad. Really bad.

When the butchering was all over, she grabbed the dreaded mirror and showed me the back of my hair. I gasped and the first words out of my mouth was,"It is so short. Oh my."

The stylist said,"Wow, girl. You look so much younger."

In that moment, I thought to myself,"Self, how much younger do you need to look? You are 26, have been married for almost 8 years, and have 2 kids. I have a problem not looking old enough to have all of that under my belt. Most people think I'm a college student. But, whatever."

So I said back to her,"I look SOMETHING, but this is some kind of short."

She replied back to me,"Well, I think you look good."

Yep. That is what she said. As if her opinion was the only one in the room that mattered. I graciously paid her and was on my way.

The minute I got in the car, the flood gates opened. It is amazing what a little tiny experience like this will show you about yourself. Up until this point, I was pretty sure I was extremely low maintenance. But, I proved myself otherwise today and that I guess hair IS a big deal to me.

Why is hair such a big deal to us ladies? It is funny isn't it when you actually sit and think about it in times of may ham like this.

I know it will grow back. But, the big downside to that is my hair grows extremely slow. I haven't had a haircut in over a year and a half, and it only grew a little passed my shoulders.

I have been into this hat phase lately too, but I put on hats with my new 'Who do' (I'm now calling it), and you can't even tell that I have hair. So, that isn't good either.

I went into to the salon to get a bob and instead, I look like BOB. Thanks!

Picture Commentary of the Who Do:

The back: Okay, now this is really bad isn't it? The back is just a nightmare. Bumps, humps, and lumps all over the place. This reminds me of the grunge 80s fad of chili bowl cuts, flannel shirts, and Docs. Wow! That's bad. My neck hair is even uneven.
The front: Obviously it was hard for me to even smile for a picture, so this is the best I could muster up. The front really isn't that bad, but it is still SOOOOOO much shorter than what I showed her.

There you have it folks. Brenham hair gone bad. I like to make fun of myself so I'm trying to be the best sport about this. But, it still hurts my heart having no hair on the back of my neck.

The only positive thing about this is that I'm ALWAYS ready for my neck sugars from my hubby since my neck is exposed all of the time now.


Rachel said...

I was SO tense the whole time I was reading your post, and I wouldn't let myself scroll ahead. I'm sorry you don't like it, but I think the front looks really cute, and maybe in a few days the back will settle down again. My hair always goes into "shock" after a cut and calms down a few days later... but bumps and lumps and uneven? Sorry, Lynsey!

Anonymous said...

I LOVE you...brave girl you are...still precious to me hair or NO hair...really the front is cute...really this is your mom and i wouldn't lie...the back, it will really will...less time to fix...just poof it up and away you beautiful it makes your long slender've always been my...sarah jane plain and you mom

Anonymous said...


I'm not laughing at your new hairstyle. I just had a really great time reading that (entire) post. I too, like Rachel, resisted the temptation of peeking at the picture before I earned it by reading how the picture came to be. That's how blog should be read, you know?

Ok, that was an unnecessary rant. I think you're funny. Done.

The Kramer Family said...

Yep, I bet your laughing at this D.O.. You are probably laughing at the ridiculousness of this entire post. Thanks for reading the whole thing.

Thanks mom and Rachel for the kind words. The more I look at the back the more I think she literally took a weed whacker and whacked at my hair.

Garratts said...

I am with Rachel and DO. I resisted temptation and read the whole post, waiting for this catastrophe.

And then....
I saw the do. The front looks really good and like Rachel said after a few days and you getting to style your own hair, I think you will like it.

It is very similar to how you had it before, just shorter. But you know me I love short hair.

You still look HOT!

Judy said...

I was a sucker and looked at the pictures first. I couldn't help it. Maybe the pictures just don't do it justice, b/c it doesn't look THAT bad! And I do think the front looks good on you. Once, I had a haircut that made me react the exact same way. It was terrible, so I understand your pain. :(

You are beautiful no matter what Lyns!! I love you!

Anonymous said...

Like every one else... I think the front looks cute( even though it is shorter than you wanted!) BUT you are a beautiful person with or without great hair! I had a co-worker look at a picture of you the other day and comment on how pretty she thought your were,and your hair was in a pony tail! AND i think mom is right what a beautiful long neck you have! ANYHOW keep your chin up! I admire you for being such a great sport!
Love you!

theBirkenfelds said...

I'm with Judy..

I peaked..

I expected to see a horrible massacre.. but I didn't!

It is not that bad at all Lyns. It probably just seems so extreme because it was a big cut. It will settle down and you will get more used to it!

I love the cut on you- I've been trying to get the nerve to cut my hair too and I haven't gotten there yet so props to you!

Love ya girl!


Anonymous said...

No one who looks like Jennifer Garner's twin can EVER look anything but beautiful! Seriously! I agree with everyone. The front is awesome! If you still hate it after a few days, I say go let Kathy Casares do some repair work. She is incredible and cheap. I have definitely had a similar experience before, and even once when I took one of the boys for a simple boy cut. They buzzed him and he looked like a cancer patient. I called Mark and cried, out of the ear shot of that son, of course!


The Kramer Family said...

Wow! Thanks everyone. I originally posted this thinking we would all have a good laugh together and gawk and my 'who do'.

But, seriously, you all are so sweet. I'm doing much better today and have found myself laughing about the whole thing.

Love ya!

Hendrick Family said...

Oh please...

It just makes your awesome cheek biscuits stick out even more.

You're so beautiful.

Of course I looked at the picture first. How did people NOT do that?

I despised your hair cutter through out the whole was that good.

Drink vinegar or something. I'm sure it makes your hair grow too.


The Kramer Family said...


That is soooo funny that you mention vinegar, Heather, because I was researching natural ways to make your hair grow and rinsing your scalp with vinegar is supposed to stimulate your scalp. Ha! Isn't that funny?

Of course I probably won't do any of the monkey business that I found. Like I even have time now because I will be flat ironing my hair everyday. No more curls for a while unless I want to look like 'what you talkin' bout Willis?'

Instead of 1,000 uses for vinegar there are now 1,001. Its that good.

Sarah Shalley said...

OH MY GOSH! I HAD to skip ahead and look at the picture! I laughed out loud throughout the entire story. Seriously, Daniel gave me dirty looks from across the room. It was that wonderfully well written. THANK YOU for the kind of laughter that comes from deep within the gut. Geeezzz, I don't like this lady. Where'd she go to hair school?! I think you look precious from the front. The back...I know what you mean and how you feel! It's scary when you cut off that much and if it doesn't turn out right, you feel like your trust has been betrayed. It will get better! Love you no matter what you look like!

Carrie said...

The front is really cute!! I think the back can be shaped up and look beautiful.

theBirkenfelds said...

Hey! I meant to ask this yesterday but have you tried the hip flipping it out in the back? I think that could look really cute!

Connie said...

I cry after every haircut and have done so for at least 16 years. You still look cute and you can totally pull off that crazy back stuff going on. People will copy you b/c you are too cool for school and then you can laugh at them and tell them you hated it so much.

2 weeks. You will like it. I promise. The lady about the "shock" is so right!

Have you tried to fix it curly?

You still look fab! Watch AI this week and take your mind off of it.

Steph said...

HI...My name is Steph Cease. I have seen your blog before and actually realized we have a couple of mutual friends and acquaintances...Shauna Maness being one of them. Anyways, I too, recently moved to Brenham...and well, have had my own hair trouble. I JUST posted my hair nightmare story on my blog too...with pictures! After that hack job, I vowed that scissors would never touch my hair in this town again! :) Anyways, I just thought it was funny that we both blogged about our bad Brenham least we're not alone! :) I am So curious about where you went...I didn't name my salon either. :)

Glad to finally connect in the blogdom. I'll be stopping by again, for sure!

Brandi H. said...

Yikes. I really hate it when that happens.
We haven't met yet; my name is Brandi. I live in Chappell Hill and I've been stalking your blog for a couple of weeks now. So, hi! Steph, who commented below, is my good friend, and I was just going to send her this link when I saw she'd already seen it.

I go to ashley, at capelli. i'm a huge hair snob; i had been to the same guy in houston for several years. i got tired of making the drive and gave her a chance, and i've been very pleased. i have short hair (on purpose, though) which is high-maintenance for cutting, and she's done a fabulous job. highlights, too. it takes a couple of months to get in, though.

best of luck with the farming. looks like a grand adventure. so far we've just got two chickens and a dog, but we hope to add to the menagerie slowly....

yo said...

I loved your post- and I enjoyed the suspense building up to the photos at the bottom-

First: we don't know each other. I have never met you, but I like you. You're a good writer, your personality shines through and its cool. I found your blog through your comments on Shauna's blog, and now that I've mad introductions...

Second: I don't mince words. Call it a gift or a curse, I don't know, but I hate being fake. Fake I Am Not. I will tell the truth, often bluntly...

Having said that: your haircut looks cute. The back? Not so much, but I think thats a two-fold problem... first one being the obvious idiot stylist didn't have a CLUE as to what she was doing... the second problem is that the two photos that you showed us of Katie and Posh and their bobs are both cut that way. Katie's isn't so severe, but both have a shorter back and a longer front. If you showed the stylist a picture of Posh Beckham with her 'pob', then she thought you wanted that stacked -up-the-back look, thats what Posh has...

I think you wanted a regular bob, right? Well, just so you know, I think its cute. You could do a whole bunch of things to camoflauge the cut too...

I have had this exact cut before (and I did it on purpose and then cried all the way home), but I flipped my ends and tucked them behind my ears... I also like a real 'messy' look sometimes (have a strange theory on fashion that the more dressed up one is, the more dressed down they need hair)... so I messed it up a lot with gritty pomades and wax in the hopes of creating a Meg Ryan messy 'do... that was hugely successful. You already have the curl to work with, I had bone straight hair.

Also, pre-natal vitamins do wonders for growing out your hair fast!


The Beginning Farmer's Wife said...

I've enjoyed reading around your blog, and I have totally been there with the haircut - I even took an old picture of myself in with my hair how I wanted it. Didn't happen though. I do think your hair looks cute, but I understand that it wasn't what you were going for.

Keep up the great posts. I plan on being back!

Jennifer Bacak said...

19 COMMENTS!!!! Whoa! You truly are adorable! I love it!!!

homemoma said...

only one thing to say: always show your wanted haircut longer than you actually want. i have learned that the hard way. i have short hair now and it is way shorter than i wanted. but there is one thing for sure: it will grow back.

DyessFam said...

Oh, man! I got to your blog by way of looking for pictures of the haircut I want to get. Still haven't found it exactly... I totally understand about trying to find a new stylist! We move around a bunch and I now have a system of sorts. You totally did the right thing by asking to speak to the owner/manager first. What I can't believe is the way she responded to you. That right there would have made me seek another salon right off the bat! I also would have told her that I was going to do that and why. Stylists are not created equal and that's why we all have haircut horror stories, duh! Okay, so after I speak to whoever is in charge over the phone, I make an appointment with that person to come in and have them look at my hair. I have pretty thick hair with a slight wave and I usually get layers, so I always ask who is the best with all three. Usually there are at least two there that get recommended and that way I always have a back up. Yay! I agree with the others. The front is very attractive and the back will grow. =) BTW- here is the link to the haircut saga I just recently endured with my two boys -

Anonymous said...

I have been in your shoes!!! I got a haircut once and it totally wasnt what I thought it was going to be, and I got to the car and just started crying like crazy! Thanks for sharing this story!!!

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